I was doing my devotions the other day and God spoke something to me loudly and clearly. Now, I have to admit I have been struggling with a certain sin and every time I fall, I confess it and repent, but I don't “feel” forgiven. I feel dirty and guilty. I know that usually means I have to forgive myself. I don't feel comfortable praying for help in dealing with the consequences of it. I feel like “I got myself into this boat and it isn't right or fair to ask God to help me through this.
I was reading Jacob's story. He had stolen his brother Esau's birthright. Esau threatened to kill Jacob so he fled. He ran back to the land of Abraham's family where he spent fourteen years working for his uncle. At the end of the fourteen years, Jacob wanted to return to the land of Canaan, where his father had settled. He sent servants along with some flocks to offer Esau as a gift—a peace offering.
Genesis 32:6-12 “After delivering the message, the messengers returned to Jacob and reported, 'We met your brother, Esau, and he is already on his way to meet you—with an army of 400 men!' 7 Jacob was terrified at the news. He divided his household, along with the flocks and herds and camels, into two groups. 8 He thought, 'If Esau meets one group and attacks it, perhaps the other group can escape.' 9 Then Jacob prayed, 'Oh, God of my grandfather Abraham, and God of my father Isaac—Oh Lord, you told me 'Return to your own land and to your relatives.' And you promised me, 'I will treat you kindly.' 10 I am not worthy of all the unfailing love and faithfulness you have shown to me, your servant. When I left home and crossed the Jordan River, I owned nothing except a walking stick. Now my household fills two large camps! Oh, Lord, please rescue me from the hand of my brother, Esau. I am afraid that he is coming to attack me, along with my children. 12 But you promised me, 'I will treat you kindly, and I will multiply your descendants until they become as numerous as the sands along the seashore—too many to count.'”
One of the things that really jumped out at me in this passage is that Jacob didn't even bring up the sin he had committed which was the cause of Esau's attack. Despite our sin, God has a plan for each and every one of us. We cannot allow that sin to stand in the way of God's plan. Once you have confessed and repented of your sin, move on. God has removed that sin from you as far as the east is from the west. Yes, there may be lingering consequences, but God is ready and willing to help you deal with those consequences so that you can move on to your destiny.
We sang a song in church on Sunday that confirmed what I had learned in my quiet time with God the day before. A few lines from the song stuck in my spirit. “If grace is an ocean, we're all drowning... I don't have time to maintain regrets when I think about how you love me! Oh, how you love me! Oh, how you love me! Oh, how you love!”
Thank you, Lord for your unfailing love and mercy! Thank you for assisting me with the consequences of my sins instead of expecting me to fight the fight alone. Thank you for always coming to my rescue regardless of what I have done to get myself in this situation.
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