On September 11, 2001 we were living in Chicago. I was driving Abby, then age 4, to daycare when I turned on the radio to Mancow's Morning Madhouse on Q-101 and heard Mancow talking about planes flying into the World Trade Centers in New York. Mancow had a tendency to have a sick sense of humor so I thought he was joking. I remember thinking how wrong that was for him to joke like that. When I got to the daycare they were talking about it. It was then that I realized it wasn't a joke.
My office was right across the street from the daycare and when I walked in everyone was in a tizzy. All of the women were in the conference room gathered around the only TV in the office. At that point the plane that eventually crashed in Pennsylvania was thought to be headed for the Sears Tower. While we were safe in Naperville, a suburb about thirty miles from downtown Chicago, many of our husbands, including mine, worked downtown. The phone lines were all jammed so we couldn't get through to them.
I went to my desk to put my stuff down before going back to the conference room when I saw my boss, Joy, sitting behind her desk working.
I went in her office. “Have you not heard the news?”
"Yeah, I heard,” she replied and kept on working.
“They think the missing plane is heading for the Sears Tower. Aren't you even the least bit concerned?” I asked.
“Yes, I care, but staring at the TV isn't going to change anything. I prayed. That's all I can do. Now it's in God's hands. I've got Jesus and Jesus has this. There's no point in stressing over it,” she replied.
“You're nuts!” I said as I left her office and went back towards the conference room. I couldn't believe I had just talked to my boss that way, but that's really what I thought. Even though I was raised in church, I wasn't taught to give things to Jesus and then not worry about them. I had never had any kind of peace in my life and I interpreted her peace in this situation as craziness.
By the time I reentered the conference room, the plane had gone down in Pennsylvania. Our husbands were safe. It would be hours yet before we would know that the plane was never headed to Chicago, but turning around and going back to the east. The rest of the day was not very productive. We tried to get to work, but it was hard to stay focused. We all had our radios on listening to the news as we waited impatiently to speak with our husbands.
Lying in bed a few days later, my husband asleep next to me, I heard the F-16s flying overhead. I thought it was amazing that these men and women who didn't know me at all were willing to lay their lives down to save mine if necessary. I lay there thinking about that for quite sometime when I thought, or, more accurately, heard God speaking in my spirit, that it was just like when Jesus died for me. He laid His life down for me.
The next morning at work, I told my boss about being raised in church, but not seeing anything God has done in my life. I told her about Myles' and Jessica's murders, my plea to God to let me die in their place, and the open investigation. I told her it seemed more like God was out to get me than to show me He loved me.
“'The thief comes to steal, to kill, and to destroy, but I have come that you might have life and that life more abundantly.' That's what Jesus said in John 10:10. God didn't kill your children; Satan did that. God didn't bring all the pain and suffering that you and your children have endured; Satan did. God wants you to have a happy and abundant life. Satan wants you to be miserable, and if he can get you to blame God for it, well, that's even better. The Bible says in First Peter that Satan is prowling around like a lion looking for people to devour. That doesn't always mean physical death.”
Over the next few months I found myself in Joy's office talking about God a lot. I would think about what she said while lying in bed at night and then ask her questions the next day. She explained things to me like I had never heard them before. This time, they made sense. She worded them in such a way that I could comprehend them.
In November, I told her I wanted to go to church. I was surprised when I walked in the door to find people dressed in jeans and t-shirts. It looked like I had just walked into a biker bar, not into church. At first I thought they were weird and this must be some cult or something. Then they started worship and they were singing about Jesus. Teen Challenge was there that day and so there were a number of different people telling their stories about how God saved them from drug and alcohol addiction. Quite a few of the stories hit a chord in me.
A few weeks later, I responded to the altar call at the church I had been going to and gave my life to Christ for real this time. I finally understood that accepting Jesus was more than just praying a prayer and saying the right words. You have to believe it.
While I'm sorry for the those who lost loved ones that day, I am grateful that it happened. Please don't take that the wrong way, but I have to wonder if that had not happened, would I be saved today? God turned it around in my life, as I'm sure He did in many others. “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people.” Gen 50:20 NKJV
Satan wants to destroy us. Sometimes he uses drugs and alcohol; sometimes he uses money or lust; sometimes he uses pain and suffering. He knows our weaknesses and he plays on them and uses them to tempt us to turn away from God. The good news is that God never gives up on us. He is always there—pursuing us and waiting for us. Whenever we turn to Him, He is there. He is ready and waiting, even when we think we have done too many horrible things. He wants to forgive us. He wants a relationship with us.
