Women's March

I've read lengthy comments supporting the women's march and other lengthy comments refuting it. This is my opinion on the march itself as well as the issues that were included in the reasons behind it. I'm probably going to disagree with you at some point, both my liberal and conservative friends. This is merely my opinion. You can take it or leave it.

The March Itself

I was glad to see a few things and disappointed by others. I appreciate the fact that the marches were done legally. No roads were blocked without a permit. There were no violent outbursts. They were very organized. I was disappointed by the messes left in the streets such as the piles of signs lining the fence seen in one photo. The language used on some of the signs and in some of the speeches were very unbecoming. I've been a cab driver for 20+ years so you can just imagine what my vocabulary has consisted of, but when speaking or writing to make a point (especially when the point is demanding respect) I avoid the use of profanity. The language hurt the cause pretty badly. As if the language wasn't bad enough, I was appalled by the pussyhats. (Please save the "they aren't bad" rhetoric. We're all adults and we're not stupid. We know exactly what they mean. And if YOU don't, Google it. Here's a hint... it has to do with the derogatory comment President Trump made on the bus 11 years ago.) The full-bodied vagina suits were a complete embarrassment!!! If you want to be taken seriously, stop acting like children. Wearing a huge vagina suit is very childish and embarrassing. Everyone can tell you're a woman by looking at you. Now had everyone chosen to wear pink t-shirts as a sign of solidarity, it would have been tactful, respectful, and still powerful!

Women's Reproductive Rights

Let's be honest and call the topic abortion because that is what all the arguing is about--abortion. I believe abortion is murder. I also believe in forgiveness for those who've had an abortion. I believe overturning Roe v Wade would cause more women's deaths than we see now. I believe while it may result in more women dying it will not equate to the 1.3 million babies that are murdered every year. I believe that women who have abortions illegally will have to deal with the consequences of that action, just as we have to deal with the consequences for ALL of our actions--good and bad. I cannot advocate for the legality of abortion, period. (The argument for abortion in the case of the risk of death of the mother and the case of rape/incest, are moot points in this opinion piece as they  account for less than 2% of abortions performed in this country combined.)

I have seen the argument from pro-choice people quite often that if we were truly pro-life then we would advocate for better programs to provide for the children after they are born. Many pro-life people have stood on the personal responsibility platform and use it to preach that she shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place. I believe we, as a society and as individuals, could do much better in this area and, if we are fighting to make abortion illegal we will need to step up the care provided for children who are born because abortion is illegal. I'm not sure exactly what programs I'm talking about here because I haven't put that much thought into it, but I completely agree with their concern. My family provided a foster home for over 50 kids when I was a child. My parents adopted my brother. Another brother of mine has adopted two daughters. If every pro-life person were to step up we could definitely provide for these kids. Many feel that "free" birth control is not the answer either. Why not? If we are advocating to make abortion illegal, we should also be advocating for alternative solutions. Teaching kids abstinence is great, but we can't be naive enough to think that just because we said don't do it, they won't. We have to have other plans in place as well.

Funding Planned Parenthood

This is where I'm probably going to disagree with 99% of my friends both liberal and conservative. I don't believe the federal government should fund any business--for profit or non-profit. I don't have a problem with a start up grant to get your business up and going (but I think all grants should be for equal amounts and for start up only). I believe that companies should be self-sufficient and if they aren't, maybe they shouldn't exist. There are people all over this country who are willing to donate to causes they believe in. (If the government stopped funding PP, I know there will be enough donations to keep it going.) I don't think my tax dollars should fund abortions because I believe they are murder. I don't believe atheists tax dollars should fund churches through tax breaks. I don't believe donations to non-profits should be tax deductible. Your donation should be made because you believe in the cause, not so you have something else to claim on your taxes. I'm getting off on a tangent here with this one sentence... If we stopped all these tax deductions/breaks, taxes would be more streamlined and we could do away with the IRS and save money there, too.

One argument I've seen when I discuss defunding PP is all the services that PP provides. Every health department (tax payer funded) and crisis pregnancy center (donations funded) across this country provides those same services. If PP were to go under, which again I seriously doubt it would, the services would still be available. And, just a side note, did you know Planned Parenthood, that company who professes to be ALL about women's reproductive health, doesn't offer prenatal care? Go ahead, call your local PP office and ask about their prenatal services. They'll tell you the only service they offer to pregnant women is termination services, aka abortion.

Equal Rights

For the most part American women already have equal rights thanks to the hard work and sacrifices made by generations of women who have gone before us.

One thing that many women are upset about, and rightfully so, is the lesser pay that many receive for the same work as their male counter-parts. This anti-Trump march is protesting the one President who has said he intends to change that! With daughter, Ivanka by his side, Trump is very aware of issues such as this.

Another thing many have complained about is paid maternity leave. While this is not really an equal rights issue because men don't have babies, nor do they get paternity leave, it is an issue. Again, Ivanka is on this and her father has already been working on it since inauguration day, just 8 days ago!

One of the points on one of the comments I read said that women shouldn't have to pay for feminine care products since women have no choice in whether or not they have a period. This is a silly point. Babies have no choice in whether they pee or not. Incontinent elderly people have the same problem, yet diapers and Depends aren't free. We all have to wipe, men and women, because we all have to poo, yet toilet paper isn't free. Shoot, if you want to push it, we all have to eat, so food should be free, too, huh?

Another equal rights issue is rape culture. This will be pretty in-depth so I will address it separately a little later.

Since we're talking about equal rights, we also have to point out rights that women have that men don't--namely, ladies' night. I can't say as I have ever seen a feminist in the bar demand to pay full price because she doesn't want special treatment.

All that being said, it is obvious to me that equal rights really had nothing to do with the women's march at all. The only two legitimate equal rights issues have been discussed and are being addressed by the Trump administration. Let's be honest. It was all about Trump's stance on abortion and and his comment about grabbing pussies.

Rape Culture in America

At one of the marches a man held a sign that said "I'm half naked and surrounded by members of the opposite sex...but I feel protected, not intimidated. I want the same for them." Most women would feel intimidated or even scared when surrounded by men even if fully clothed! Many women have, at some point in their lives, felt threatened, violated, or scared by the actions of men around them. Women have to take precautions that men don't even think about, like going jogging alone at 5 am. Women think about things that men don't, like if a guy is chasing me and I get to my car, the fact that all four doors open when I push the button, may not help keep me safe. (That's a conversation I just had with Donald when I bought my new car last month.)

So, what can be done about it? Rape is already illegal, although, as we saw with the Brock Turner case, the punishment is sometimes a slap on the wrist. So, then, obviously we need national minimum sentences that judges can't change (as we have in Tennessee).

Another step is education. We need to raise our boys to know what rape is and what consent is. Teach them to respect women. Stop excusing their actions by saying "boys will be boys". Maybe making this part of sex education is the answer. Maybe parents teaching their kids better. Maybe families being better role models. Maybe tv shows could assess and educate their viewers better. Maybe making an example out of the Brock Turners of this world. I don't know the answer, but it has to stop. We cannot teach our daughters NOT to take proper precautions until we teach our sons how to act.

Another change that can be made is that society must stop blaming women... for getting drunk, for wearing clothing that some might be tempted by, for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, for flirting, and the list goes on. None of the things I've listed are illegal. Raping women is!

So there you have it. I really hope that by posting lengthy opinion pieces such as this, dialogue can take place instead of insults being slung. Hopefully understanding other's opinions, hearing their concerns, not judging, but really listening, we can find some solutions.

So Can You

Even though I am white, I feel I have earned the right to post my opinion on racism. Many people disagree although most change their minds about that once they've heard my story. So I'll begin by telling my story (the condensed version), then I'll state my opinion.

When I was 7 years old, my parents became foster parents. We had about 50 different children living with us at different points in time over the next 9 years. Some stayed just a few weeks while others stayed a few years. We had children of all races. Most were newborns, a few were toddlers, only one was school-aged (13). We were often invited to churches or other meetings in which my parents would speak about adoption. My first experience with racism was when I was 8 years old. We had a beautiful black newborn baby, but he had rather dark skin. I'll never forget the questions and confusion I felt when a black couple looked at that precious baby and the woman stated "If we adopt one we don't want one that dark." (She was darker than the baby.) I asked my Mom why she said that and my mom said she didn't understand it either, but some people are just picky. As the years went by, I heard similar comments from blacks and comments from whites about it being wrong to adopt interracially.

When I was 12 we got a black baby named Myles. He was my favorite out of all the babies we ever had. (I would eventually name my son after him.) When I was 13 we got a newborn named Leon. A few years later my parents asked us kids how we would feel about them adopting Leon. We unanimously agreed. Some people told us we were wrong for adopting a black child; we couldn't give him "proper insight into his heritage," or ''it's wrong for a white family to raise a black child." We did our best to ignore these comments. When Leon was in elementary school, someone called DHS and falsely reported abuse, which the DHS investigator determined was initiated by a neighbor with a racial grudge and it was all dropped.

I had a white son when I was 17. At age 19, I married a black man. When we were dating, his father asked me why I wanted to marry his son. When I said "because I love him," he said "can't you find a white man to love?" I was speechless. We got married as planned despite his father's attitude toward me, which we later found out was also his mother's feelings as well. I had two children with him, Myles and Jessica. We eventually separated and divorced. I moved in to a duplex in July of 1993. A few months later the man who lived in the other half of my duplex set my half on fire in an attempt to kill me, Myles, and Jessica. I survived. Myles and Jessica did not. During his arson/murder trial it was revealed that his motive was racism. He told his cell mate "I waited until the white kid went to school because I kind of liked him." He proceeded to call Myles and Jessica "half-breeds" and me a "nigger-lover".

Most blacks today cannot say that someone they know personally has been murdered simply because of their race. They may have lost family members before their births, but very few can directly relate. Most blacks have experienced racial comments, slurs, hatred, etc. Some have experienced fear of violence or actual violence due to racial bigotry. I have also experienced those things.

When I was a kid, I was picked on often by my classmates. Mom told me to ignore them. She said they were trying to get a rise out of me, but if I ignored them eventually they would stop. She was right in some instances, but wrong in others (but that's a different post). What I learned from that is that others may have an opinion of you that you don't like, but you can't control that and you shouldn't let that define you. As we visited those churches, heard people's rude comments about a white family having a black child, dealt with judgemental looks as my husband and I were seen in public, or my one blonde-haired, blue-eyed child and two dark haired, dark-skinned, brown-eyed children went shopping, etc I learned to let the negativity roll off of me.

Myles and Jessica's murder was the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. I learned a lot of lessons from that, even before I knew the motive. One thing I learned is that it's up to us how we handle things. Life is what we make it. If you let it, anything in life can defeat you. I made a conscious decision that I wasn't going to let my children's deaths define the rest of my life. I was 24 years old. I had my whole life ahead of me. That decision gave me strength to overcome. Looking back on it, I know that decision was rooted in what my mother taught me when I was in elementary school. She taught me how to let comments and insults roll off of me. I knew if I could let those hurtful things that were said and done to me roll off, I could let anything roll off.

Bullying comes in all shapes and sizes; whether it be your race, your sexual orientation, your size, your age, etc. In today's society, we have forgotten, or were never taught, to let things roll off.  We take everything personally. We let everything leave damaging scars. We let people we don't even know define who we are by listening to their words instead of seeing that they are the ones with issues. Sometimes people say hurtful things on purpose, sometimes they think they are better than us somehow, sometimes they say them without thinking or without ill intent. I'm not saying things don't hurt, nor am I trying to downplay your experiences. I'm saying you, and only you, can control how it will affect you. You can be a victim or you can be an overcomer. I chose to be an overcomer! So can you!

The TRUE Christmas Gift

A man saw a world in turmoil. There was fighting and oppression. There was an overbearing government, full of greed and desire for power. There was a church that was more concerned about punishing those who broke its rules than about the heart of the person, the pain that he/she had endured. Love was seemingly forgotten. The man knew he had to do something!

He remembered a time when all was perfect in the world, when he walked with his friends and talked with them. He had a personal relationship with them. That had been so wonderful! He smiled as he remembered Adam calling out to him just to talk. Eve would show him the beautiful flowers and tell him how much she loved each one. "Oh, the good old days!" the man sighed, nostalgically. It had been so long ago! Over the years, there had been some who sought after him, who did everything they could to please him and to obey him, but they couldn't walk together through the garden. They couldn't just hang out together and have a conversation. Oh, how he longed for that relationship again!

He knew it was time, so he called his only son to come sit and talk. He told him that the time had come to put their plan into action. Jesus knew the plan; there was no need to tell him again. "Have you found the woman you want to do the job?" Jesus asked.

"I have," God replied. "Her name is Mary. She's a young, virgin woman. She is betrothed to a young man named Joseph. They have both lived clean, upright lives. They have both sought to please me and obey my commandments. Mary has asked me to use her however I need to. Last night, I sent Gabriel to tell her the plan. She agreed. Gabriel also told Joseph and he agreed, too. The plan is set. I love you so much, my dear son, but this has to be done."

"I know, Father. I love you, too." Jesus fought the tears that were forming in his eyes. He turned away from his father. "I love them, too!" God placed his hands on Jesus' shoulders.

"You've got this, Son! I'm so proud of you! Now, go show the human race how much We love them!"

The Trip Two Teenagers Took

I want you to stop and THINK HARD about this. Use your imagination. Close your eyes after each sentence and get a picture in your mind's eye.

A teenaged girl and her boyfriend are all alone travelling miles away from home. They don't have a car, only one donkey who can't carry them both. They walk/ride for miles upon miles. Feeling the rhythmic movement of the animal beneath her the girl, nine months pregnant, begins to feel pains that she doesn't understand. She tells her boyfriend that they need to stop, but he insists that they press on. This took place at a time when there wasn't health class at the public high school to teach kids about anatomy, sex, and childbirth. The lights of the city begin to come into view when all of a sudden a gush of fluid... Mary is scared. The pains are coming harder now and lasting longer. Joseph, whose legs hurt and blisters are forming on his feet, tries to walk faster. He doesn't know what to do with Mary. He wants to comfort her, but doesn't know how. He thinks "If I can just get her to Bethlehem, we will find someone who will know what to do." But when they finally arrive in the city, it is late and most people have gone to bed. Joseph sees an inn and figures if he can get Mary to lie down maybe, just maybe, the baby will wait until morning. He tells Mary to wait outside so she doesn't have to climb down. He goes in and asks for a room. The clerk says he doesn't have an empty room. He suggests that Joseph try the inn down the road. After approaching numerous clerks begging for a room, Mary begins to feel pressure along with the pains, which are now very intense. Joseph, fighting the tears, trying to stay calm for Mary's sake, tells the clerk that the baby is coming now and he needs help. The clerk says "There are no rooms, but I suppose you can go in the barn. There is some hay in there for your donkey. I'm sorry, but that's all I have to offer." Out of options, they agree. This is not at all how Mary had envisioned giving birth to her first child. Joseph led the donkey into the barn and helped Mary down. He tried to help her get comfortable, but the pain was almost unbearable and the hay stabbed her with every move. Joseph offered Mary some water from the canteen. Both scared and nervous, neither knew what to do, but following their instincts, Joseph delivered the baby. Mary held the baby against her skin and wrapped her clothing tightly around him as she nursed her son for the first time. Although Joseph was exhausted from the long trip, he took the lantern and searched the barn for anything that might be useful. He found an old trough. He moved it over by Mary, filled it with hay and shaped the hay to conform to the baby. He, then, fed the donkey and gave him water before he sat down by Mary's side. Mary had been crying silently. She was overwhelmed with love for little boy that she had just brought into the world. Joseph wiped the tears from her cheeks and began to pray out loud. An angel appeared to comfort them. Later, in the middle of the night, strangers began to arrive at the door of the barn--shepherds and wisemen bearing gifts for the Newborn King.

So many times we get caught up in all of the "requirements" of the Christmas season: shopping, decorating, wrapping, parties, and for some depression, feelings of worthlessness, and missing loved ones. Let us remember and share the details of this story--the only thing that really matters!

Merry Christmas!

I selected this picture because all of the other ones I found had Joseph and Mary looking old. I also love the looks on their faces in this one. Poor Joseph looks like he's thinking, "What do we do with him?"

Light--Catching Fire!!!

This blog was birthed after a conversation regarding the movie Catching Fire. I will say that when I first read the book The Hunger Games, I, too, was appalled by the thought of teens killing teens. I had read the book because the librarian gave it to my 11-year-old daughter to read I was monitoring her reading. That was five years ago when the book first came out. Since then our society has seen a serious decline in morality with reports of teenagers killing or violently attacking random victims of any age for sport—the knockoutgame, a child killed in his stroller after the teens robbed his mother, a college student shot in the back because teenagers were bored, and many more.

 

 

 

I had taken my, now, 16-year-old daughter to see Catching Fire and I posted on Facebook what a good movie it was. I expressing that Catching Fire opened the door for my daughter and I have a discussion about teen violence in the world around us and that it only takes one determined to do the right thing to turn everything around. The conversation grew until there were about three or four parents on each side of the issue. I was, at one point, accused of allowing Hollywood to teach my daughter morals. One, I didn't use the movie to SKIRT my responsibility of teaching my daughter, but rather as a tool to ASSIST me. Two, I'm not talking about an 11-year-old. She's 16! She has the basics down by now.

 

Other parents in the discussion brought up Phil 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." I think, too often, some Christians use this verse as an excuse to hide away in a little bubble while ignoring the world around them. It's easier to just surround themselves with people who think like they do and turn a blind eye to the violence that is on the rise.

 

That lead me to Matt 5:14-15 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden.  No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house."

 

Light is such an interesting thing. Many people have never experienced utter darkness—the can't-see-your-hand-right-in-front-of-your-face kind of darkness. I have a few times when visiting Ruby Falls and Mammoth Cave. For some reason they always find it necessary to turn the lights off for a minute. It's powerful, and scary! This is the kind of darkness that those in hell will experience (referred to as "outer darkness" in Matt 8:12, 22:13, and 25:30).

The darkness in your bedroom, which isn't as dark as utter (outer) darkness even if you have it as dark as possible, is comforting. We find peace in that darkness because we find rest there. When someone suddenly flips the light on, our first reaction is to cover our eyes and then yell at the person who invaded our resting place. It literally hurts our eyes!

When the sun is beating in your bedroom window and someone flips the light on you barely notice, if you notice at all. Maybe it was the sound of the light switch more than the actual light that alerted you to the fact that the light has been turned on. The dome light in your car comes on when you open the door whether it's daytime or nighttime, yet you only notice it at night. My point is this, you must have darkness for the light to make a difference and the darker it is, the more impact the light will have. An interesting observation however, is that darkness NEVER overpowers light, but light ALWAYS overpowers darkness. The dark doesn't even try to “fight” back. It just submits to the light.

 

The Bible refers to sin as darkness and Jesus as light (Job 12:22 and Luke 2:32). The sin in this world is similar to the darkness in your bedroom. You can see a little light here and there, but the darkness is pretty overwhelming until your eyes adjust to it. Once you adjust and get comfortable, the sudden shedding of light is an assault and your first reaction is to cover your eyes, to remain in the darkness. Sometimes, even yelling at the person who revealed the light. It invades our resting place. It hurts at first, but you will eventually adjust to it, if you are willing to pull your hand off of your eyes. However, if you are sitting in your bubble with no one around you except other light-bearers, your light is useless.

 

Christians are not the light. We are merely bearers of the Light. John 1:8 "John himself was not the light; he was simply a witness to tell about the light." Jesus is the Light. We live in a dark world and it is getting darker. It is our responsibility, as bearers of the Light, to let our lights shine! As we expose sin, people may get mad at us as they cover their eyes to it and try to hide from light. There may be consequences for speaking the Truth of God's Word in this dark world. People may curse at us, ostracize us, cancel business contracts with us, etc but we are called to be the light anyway. If you keep your light to yourself, however, not only are you useless, but the dark, sinful people will still call you names, like arrogant, holier-than-thou, Bible-thumpers.

 

If I'm going to be called names and persecuted anyway, I figure I might as well make as much of an impact for Christ and shine the Light in love to as many as possible. At least then my persecution won't be in vain!

Trust Your Gut

This is actually yesterday's thought that I forgot to post.
Thought for the day: Always trust your gut. Romans 14:23 NLT "But if you have doubts about whether or not you should eat something, you are sinning if you go ahead and do it. For you are not following your convictions. If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning."

The Sky... The Word

Is the sky blue or gray? There is only one correct answer and it it's a always true even though it may APPEAR otherwise. When you look up, the sky looks gray at times,  but behind the clouds, the sky is always blue. God's word is always true even when it doesn't appear that away.

Freedom

This entire controversy about Mr. Cathy finally stating his position on gay rights was all a ploy by the GLBT. He has remained silent on the issue for a very long time because it had nothing to do with chicken (his business). The GLBT pushed and pushed for him to answer them and then when he finally did they have the "audacity" to get enraged. We all fell right into their trap. The whole point was to get the controversy all riled up again. Remember, people, it's an election year! I don't believe they anticipated the support that Americans displayed today!

I have no issue with Mr. Cathy taking a stance. It is his right to take that stance and I applaud him for not cowering under pressure. If the tables were turned and it was politically incorrect to say you support gay marriage, I would still applaud you for standing up for what you believe in.

Too many people today are afraid to speak their minds because if you aren't liberal you aren't politically correct. And if you disagree with someone and you have the nerve to say you disagree you're labeled a bully. Stating one's opinion is not bullying; it's stating one's opinion. It seems to me like liberals are all about freedom of speech ONLY if that speech is liberal. They are all about choice ONLY if they agree with the choice you make. That isn't freedom. Freedom is the ability to have your own opinion even if others do not agree.

I Will Never Forget

Everyone was affected in some way by the tragedy that happened 10 years ago today. How did it impact your life? Did the changes that you resolved to make in your life "stick" or have you fallen right back into your old way of life?

On September 11, 2001 we were living in Chicago. I was driving Abby, then age 4, to daycare when I turned on the radio to Mancow's Morning Madhouse on Q-101 and heard Mancow talking about planes flying into the World Trade Centers in New York. Mancow had a tendency to have a sick sense of humor so I thought he was joking. I remember thinking how wrong that was for him to joke like that. When I got to the daycare they were talking about it. It was then that I realized it wasn't a joke.

My office was right across the street from the daycare and when I walked in everyone was in a tizzy. All of the women were in the conference room gathered around the only TV in the office. At that point the plane that eventually crashed in Pennsylvania was thought to be headed for the Sears Tower. While we were safe in Naperville, a suburb about thirty miles from downtown Chicago, many of our husbands, including mine, worked downtown. The phone lines were all jammed so we couldn't get through to them.

I went to my desk to put my stuff down before going back to the conference room when I saw my boss, Joy, sitting behind her desk working.

I went in her office. “Have you not heard the news?”

"Yeah, I heard,” she replied and kept on working.

“They think the missing plane is heading for the Sears Tower. Aren't you even the least bit concerned?” I asked.

“Yes, I care, but staring at the TV isn't going to change anything. I prayed. That's all I can do. Now it's in God's hands. I've got Jesus and Jesus has this. There's no point in stressing over it,” she replied.

“You're nuts!” I said as I left her office and went back towards the conference room. I couldn't believe I had just talked to my boss that way, but that's really what I thought. Even though I was raised in church, I wasn't taught to give things to Jesus and then not worry about them. I had never had any kind of peace in my life and I interpreted her peace in this situation as craziness.

By the time I reentered the conference room, the plane had gone down in Pennsylvania. Our husbands were safe. It would be hours yet before we would know that the plane was never headed to Chicago, but turning around and going back to the east. The rest of the day was not very productive. We tried to get to work, but it was hard to stay focused. We all had our radios on listening to the news as we waited impatiently to speak with our husbands.

Lying in bed a few days later, my husband asleep next to me, I heard the F-16s flying overhead. I thought it was amazing that these men and women who didn't know me at all were willing to lay their lives down to save mine if necessary. I lay there thinking about that for quite sometime when I thought, or, more accurately, heard God speaking in my spirit, that it was just like when Jesus died for me. He laid His life down for me.

The next morning at work, I told my boss about being raised in church, but not seeing anything God has done in my life. I told her about Myles' and Jessica's murders, my plea to God to let me die in their place, and the open investigation. I told her it seemed more like God was out to get me than to show me He loved me.

“'The thief comes to steal, to kill, and to destroy, but I have come that you might have life and that life more abundantly.' That's what Jesus said in John 10:10. God didn't kill your children; Satan did that. God didn't bring all the pain and suffering that you and your children have endured; Satan did. God wants you to have a happy and abundant life. Satan wants you to be miserable, and if he can get you to blame God for it, well, that's even better. The Bible says in First Peter that Satan is prowling around like a lion looking for people to devour. That doesn't always mean physical death.”

Over the next few months I found myself in Joy's office talking about God a lot. I would think about what she said while lying in bed at night and then ask her questions the next day. She explained things to me like I had never heard them before. This time, they made sense. She worded them in such a way that I could comprehend them.

In November, I told her I wanted to go to church. I was surprised when I walked in the door to find people dressed in jeans and t-shirts. It looked like I had just walked into a biker bar, not into church. At first I thought they were weird and this must be some cult or something. Then they started worship and they were singing about Jesus. Teen Challenge was there that day and so there were a number of different people telling their stories about how God saved them from drug and alcohol addiction. Quite a few of the stories hit a chord in me.

A few weeks later, I responded to the altar call at the church I had been going to and gave my life to Christ for real this time. I finally understood that accepting Jesus was more than just praying a prayer and saying the right words. You have to believe it.

While I'm sorry for the those who lost loved ones that day, I am grateful that it happened. Please don't take that the wrong way, but I have to wonder if that had not happened, would I be saved today? God turned it around in my life, as I'm sure He did in many others. “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people.” Gen 50:20 NKJV

Satan wants to destroy us. Sometimes he uses drugs and alcohol; sometimes he uses money or lust; sometimes he uses pain and suffering. He knows our weaknesses and he plays on them and uses them to tempt us to turn away from God. The good news is that God never gives up on us. He is always there—pursuing us and waiting for us. Whenever we turn to Him, He is there. He is ready and waiting, even when we think we have done too many horrible things. He wants to forgive us. He wants a relationship with us.

In Your Presence

I got a run going to Evansville, IN. (We have a contract with CSX to transport their crews, so these runs are not that unusual.) While I was on the way up there, I could only pray silently, but I told God that when I dropped these guys off I wanted to pray for real. I wanted to spend some serious time with Him.

I haven't updated my GPS in awhile so the new stretch of Pennyrile Parkway from Hopkinsville to I-24 doesn't exist according to it. It shows my little yellow cab driving in the middle of no where. Sometimes it shows a dotted line to the nearest road to show me that if I can get there, the GPS will be able to direct me the rest of the way. I was praying when I saw that little dotted line on the screen. I said, “Lord, that is how I feel sometimes; like I'm floating in the middle of no where. I feel so alone and uncomfortable, but at the same time, I know I am where I belong. Others keep telling me I need to get over onto the road that everyone can see, but I know that isn't where You want me to be. I know that if I continue on the way I'm headed (even though it is uncharted territory) I will end up on the right road.” As I was approaching I-24 the solid red line was coming into view. Then the dotted line told me what I already knew... this path WILL get me there!

Then I started reflecting on something that Morgann, Mark, Abby and I were talking about after Life Groups on Sunday night. We were talking about what it means to DWELL in God's presence. Psalm 140:13 says, “Surely the righteous shall give thanks to Your name; The upright shall dwell in Your presence.” Is it just something we experience every Sunday and Wednesday at church? Is it something we experience every day, but only during our time of “devotions”? Or is it something we can experience all day, every day, every moment of our lives? Dwell means “to live or stay as a permanent resident; reside” (dictionary.com). So, I began to pray and tell God that I want to dwell in His presence. I want to LIVE there all the time!

How do I do that? I quickly realized that I am to focus on Him always. Hebrews 12:2 says “Keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

There was a time that I would imagine that Jesus was sitting in the front seat of the cab riding with me, because technically speaking HE IS! I was so embarrassed by some of the things that my customers would say and do that I stopped inviting Jesus to come. In a way I thought (not a conscious thought, but somewhere in the back of my mind) I was protecting Him from the sin I'm exposed to everyday. God spoke to me today and made me realize just how arrogant that was. Little ole ME thought I could protect Jesus from the sin in this world. While I think the sin I see daily is horrid, Jesus has not only SEEN worse, He BECAME worse!!! He became all sin so that He could conquer it.

I was listening to Devin Williams Pour It Out. Actually, I wasn't really listening to it as much as it was playing in the background while I was praying. As I was praying I would realize that the song playing in the background totally agreed with my prayer, so I would stop praying and sing the song to God, stopping along the way to elaborate on the lyrics. It was so awesome!!! By the time I got back to Nashville, I was so on fire!!!

Promises

I was driving down the Interstate when I saw a beautiful rainbow this morning. I immediately said, "Oh, Lord. That is beautiful. Thank You so much!"

He immediately spoke to my spirit loudly and clearly. "I keep my promises, Trai. Remember them. Stand on them. Stop wavering and questioning what you don't understand and just trust Me."

We went on to discuss the specific promises that He has given me that I have doubted lately. I needed that encouragement a lot more than I realized.

Thank You so much, Lord, for reminding me that You are who You say You are and that You'll do what You say You'll do. Thank You for loving me enough to be involved in my daily life and for giving me promises and things to look forward to that directly pertain to my daily life. I love You so much! You are AMAZING!!!

Treading Water

Saturday, June 4, 2011 at 6:29pm
I hate my life and I feel like there's nothing I can do about it! Why are things not happening? I'm so sick of this plateau! I feel like I have been in the same spot my whole life, treading water, and no matter how hard I swim I cannot get any further up stream. I have obeyed God! I wrote I Had Dreams like He told me to. It's still sitting not selling. I wrote the screenplay like He told me to. It's still sitting here! I wrote the non-fiction version. He told me to give it to someone to proof-read and then told me to leave it alone so I can add more to it later. I did that too. Now, I'm writing Alternate Choices, but is it just another waste-of-time project? I want God's will but why is it God's will for all my hard work to be sitting on a shelf? Why is it God's will that we not have a dog? (I had just asked the landlord if we could have a dog and he said no.) I mean if I can't have a man, can't I at least have a dog to welcome me home?

Saturday, June 4, 2011 at 7:58pm
I really got to thinking after that last post and I started realizing some things. Why do Christians make everything so difficult? God doesn't intend for us to stress over every little thing. I've come to the conclusion that I can do no wrong! Yes, I can still sin, and I shouldn't but I don't have to stress out or over analyze every little thing. As long as I'm righteous, I can do no wrong. The Bible says the steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord. Psalm 37:4 says "If you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart." I believe that means that as you spend time with God you'll begin to desire what He has planned for you. Anything that Satan throws in your way to distract you or derail you won't affect you anyway. Isaiah 54:17 that no weapon formed against me will prosper. I may not understand why my writing is sitting on a shelf, but I need to keep writing anyway. I need to check my motives. Am I writing just to be published? Or am I writing because I love writing? Or am I writing because it is what God called me to do?

Salvation: What is it?

There is something that has been lying heavily on my heart for about a month now. At first, I thought God was having me check my heart on this issue, so I did—repeatedly. I have been convicted and I am working on changing some things. However, the nagging of it hasn't stopped. If anything, it has gotten worse and God has shown me many examples of it the last few weeks. I believe the nagging hasn't let up because He wanted me to write this and post it. When Pastor Clay spoke this morning, this blog was screaming to be written.

What does it mean to be saved? Is it simply a matter of believing in God? That Jesus is the Son of God? That Jesus did miracles? James 2:19 says "You say you have faith, for you believe that there is only one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror." The demons believe and are not going to be saved from eternal torment in hell.

Romans 10:9 says, "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead you will be saved." What does that really mean? Can you CONFESS "Jesus is Lord" and BELIEVE that, but continue to live an ungodly lifestyle, and be saved? There are two key phrases in this verse—"is Lord" and "in your heart". Both imply a lifestyle shift. If you confess it, but don't make him Lord, you will not be saved. The word LORD means "a person who has authority, control, or power over others; a master, chief, or ruler". Is that what Jesus is in your life? Have you surrendered to His authority? Is He your master? Or do you say He is Lord while still living your life your way? If you believe, but not in your heart, you will not be saved. I looked up heart on my dictionary.com app and this is what it says, "3 the center of the total personality, esp. with reference to intuition, feeling or emotion." (The first two definitions are referring to the organ that pumps blood throughout the body.) If you truly believe that God raised Jesus from the dead you cannot go on living an ungodly lifestyle. The Resurrection becomes the center of your total personality! It becomes the basis for your intuition, your feelings, your emotions. It becomes the core of who you are!

Luke 14:33-35 takes it a step further. "So you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own. Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? Flavorless salt is good neither for the soil for the manure pile. It is thrown away. Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand!"

Matt 5:13 "You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless."

Salt is an amazing substance! It is consists of sodium and chloride. Both are needed by the human body, but too much of either can be deadly. Chloride is only slightly soluble in water. The presence of excess chloride causes corrosion. Sodium is a metal that is completely soluble in water, however; when sodium alone (without chloride) is first introduced to water, it reacts violently and will explode! Keep in mind that the human body is 70+% water.

True love consists of grace and truth (spiritual salt) and it works the same way. Grace is like the chloride. Grace only goes so far and if given too much it begins to corrode the Gospel. Those who believe that hell and judgment don't exist have so much grace that it has corroded the Gospel. The problem is that without acknowledging sin or fault, they have led people to believe that there is no need for repentance. Truth, on the other hand, is like sodium. If truth is introduced without grace, the reaction is violent and explosive. I saw a t-shirt the other day that said "Repent or burn in hell." Now, while that is the truth, there is no grace and a non-Christian who sees that probably reacts violently to that statement and is not going to repent based on that statement alone.

To be the salt of this earth, we must walk in love while speaking truth. We cannot keep diluting the Gospel, but neither can we be the judge and jury of the world. We must live our lives in such a way that our everyday actions are full of grace and truth. We cannot walk around with a hateful attitude while saying we are Christians. When you encounter the unsaved, instead of looking down your nose at them, remember who you were before you got saved. When you encounter people who claim to be Christians while living a sinful lifestyle, instead of acknowledging how messed up their lifestyle is, show them with grace the truth behind James 2:19 and Romans 10:9, and lead them into a relationship with Christ.

Hell is real and we have been given the responsibility of sharing that truth with the people God has placed in our lives. "We have got to learn to love better."-Pastor Clay

Lost!

"Mom!" I heard a quiet voice say. Thinking it was a dream, I snuggled under my covers even deeper and settled in.

I get home from work at about five o'clock in the morning. After winding down a little bit by reading a novel, I fell asleep at about 5:30. Needless to say, I was sleeping GOOD by seven. Then, I heard it again. “Mom”. It was like a loud whisper filled with desperation and fear. I rolled over and said, “What?”

“I got up to get a drink of water and I looked in on the snakes and George is missing!” We have three ball pythons, Neo, the oldest and largest, Oscar, who is almost full-grown, and George, a six-month-old baby. Neo was our first, bought for Abby Christmas of 2009. Oscar is Paul's, but we are snake sitting indefinitely. George is mine. I bought him October 5 as a birthday present to myself. I have wanted a baby since we got Neo and when I saw them on sale for 60% off, I couldn't pass him up.

George and I have gotten quite attached, although I think I am a little more attached than he is. I know it is hard for you to hear me talk about snakes in such a loving tone. I am a little different, but then y'all knew that. If it helps you comprehend it, imagine George is a puppy. Or a gerbil. Or whatever animal you like. I love George and when Abby said he was missing, I jumped up out of bed and rushed into the living room.

Snakes seek out warmth and darkness, so we searched every warm, dark spot we could think of. George is so tiny that his head is about half the size of my thumb! He is eighteen inches long and about as thick as a Sharpie! We looked under the couch, the chair, the ottoman. No George!

We searched with flashlights under and around the stove, the refrigerator, the washer, the dryer. No George!

We took Neo and Oscar out and set them on the living room floor thinking maybe they could lead us to him. Where would they go? Maybe that's where George was. Snakes are nocturnal, though, and at seven-thirty in the morning, they just want to sleep. I'm right there with you, guys, but we have to find George. They didn't care and went straight into the terrarium.

We spent an hour looking everywhere for George before I sat on the couch. I didn't know where else to look. We knew he had to be in the house somewhere. It was twenty-eight degrees outside with six inches of snow on the ground and more falling. He wouldn't have gone out there.

Thoughts invaded my mind. I thought maybe he had gotten himself tangled up in the coils behind the refrigerator and burned himself. Maybe he was hurt and scared. He is just a six-month-old baby! He isn't prepared for the dangers in the jungle we call a house.

I began to pray as the first tear slipped down my cheek. “Lord, You know where George is. Please lead me to him.” I felt an overwhelming urge to look in the couch I was sitting on. We removed all of the cushions. No George!

Then I remembered that the interfacing under the couch was hanging a little on the one side, so Abby and I flipped the couch on its back. There in the corner, inside the couch, right under where I was sitting, a little brown head!

“GEORGE!” I ripped the interfacing out of the way, reached in and pulled him out. I was so relieved! I was so happy! I held him tightly and told him how badly he had scared us. I told him that I was so happy that I had found him, I couldn't even be mad at him for getting out and hiding. I wasn't mad at all. I was overjoyed!

As I sat down and hugged him tightly, I thought, “This is how God feels! This is the overwhelming joy that God experiences when He finds us!”

In Luke 15:3-10 Jesus uses a lost sheep and a lost coin to illustrate this exact thing. I have read those stories a million times, but until my baby was lost I never really personalized this story. I felt the devastation and grief at the thought that I might never see him alive again. I felt the joy of holding him in my arms when I found him. I wasn't thinking about Neo and Oscar at that point. I was celebrating my relationship with George.

God loves us so much more than I love that little snake. God mourns and grieves when we are lost. He looks everywhere for us. He searches for us relentlessly. If you have wandered away, or if you have never been found, you don't need to hide from God. He isn't searching for you so that He can punish you. He is searching for you because he loves you and He knows the dangers that you are exposing yourself to that you don't even see lurking in the shadows.

George was right there the whole time. He was right in the couch. He was less than a foot away from me. But he didn't come out. He remained hidden. I don't know why he did, but I know that when I have sinned and I know God is looking for me I sometimes remain hidden, too. Shame, fear, safety of the secret place, etc. make it easier to hide than to face the consequences. I don't realize what danger is lurking just behind me.

You see, Satan is also looking for you. “Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a lion, seeking someone to devour.” I Peter 5:8.

One of them, God or Satan, will find you. Which one will you allow it to be? Are you going to be like George and keep hiding in the dark places just out of God's sight? Or will you come into the light and be held, coddled, and loved?

“I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance... In the same way, I tell you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Luke 15:7, 10.

Help Dealing with Consequences of Sin

I was doing my devotions the other day and God spoke something to me loudly and clearly. Now, I have to admit I have been struggling with a certain sin and every time I fall, I confess it and repent, but I don't “feel” forgiven. I feel dirty and guilty. I know that usually means I have to forgive myself. I don't feel comfortable praying for help in dealing with the consequences of it. I feel like “I got myself into this boat and it isn't right or fair to ask God to help me through this.

I was reading Jacob's story. He had stolen his brother Esau's birthright. Esau threatened to kill Jacob so he fled. He ran back to the land of Abraham's family where he spent fourteen years working for his uncle. At the end of the fourteen years, Jacob wanted to return to the land of Canaan, where his father had settled. He sent servants along with some flocks to offer Esau as a gift—a peace offering.

Genesis 32:6-12 “After delivering the message, the messengers returned to Jacob and reported, 'We met your brother, Esau, and he is already on his way to meet you—with an army of 400 men!' 7 Jacob was terrified at the news. He divided his household, along with the flocks and herds and camels, into two groups. 8 He thought, 'If Esau meets one group and attacks it, perhaps the other group can escape.' 9 Then Jacob prayed, 'Oh, God of my grandfather Abraham, and God of my father Isaac—Oh Lord, you told me 'Return to your own land and to your relatives.' And you promised me, 'I will treat you kindly.' 10 I am not worthy of all the unfailing love and faithfulness you have shown to me, your servant. When I left home and crossed the Jordan River, I owned nothing except a walking stick. Now my household fills two large camps! Oh, Lord, please rescue me from the hand of my brother, Esau. I am afraid that he is coming to attack me, along with my children. 12 But you promised me, 'I will treat you kindly, and I will multiply your descendants until they become as numerous as the sands along the seashore—too many to count.'”

One of the things that really jumped out at me in this passage is that Jacob didn't even bring up the sin he had committed which was the cause of Esau's attack. Despite our sin, God has a plan for each and every one of us. We cannot allow that sin to stand in the way of God's plan. Once you have confessed and repented of your sin, move on. God has removed that sin from you as far as the east is from the west. Yes, there may be lingering consequences, but God is ready and willing to help you deal with those consequences so that you can move on to your destiny.

We sang a song in church on Sunday that confirmed what I had learned in my quiet time with God the day before. A few lines from the song stuck in my spirit. “If grace is an ocean, we're all drowning... I don't have time to maintain regrets when I think about how you love me! Oh, how you love me! Oh, how you love me! Oh, how you love!”

Thank you, Lord for your unfailing love and mercy! Thank you for assisting me with the consequences of my sins instead of expecting me to fight the fight alone. Thank you for always coming to my rescue regardless of what I have done to get myself in this situation.

Angry and Dejected? Choose Life!

“'Why are you so angry?' the Lord asked Cain. 'Why do you look so dejected? You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.'” Gen 4:6-7 NLT

How many times do we feel angry and dejected when we are living in sin? We know that what we are doing is wrong, but yet, to some extent we expect things to go well for us. We must deal with the consequences of our sin, which we know is coming, but yet, we get upset when those consequences come.

Hebrews 12:6 says, “For the Lord disciplines those He loves, and He punishes each one He accepts as His child.” If God didn't love us, He would just ignore our sin and move on. When we confess our sins He is faithful to forgive us of them (I John 1:9), but that doesn't relieve us of the consequences. If someone has sex out of wedlock and gets pregnant, when she confesses that sin, she is still pregnant.

“Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you,” Gen 4:7 says. According to I Peter 5:8 we are to “stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” This paints a very vivid picture. I have watched enough shows on the Discovery Channel to know what a lion looks like when he is prowling around looking for prey, or what a cheetah looks like when it's crouching in the tall grass getting ready to pounce. Satan is the lion, sin is the cheetah, and we are the prey!

The end of Genesis 4:7 gives us a plan of action, which in turn gives us hope. “Subdue it and be its master.” I Peter 5:9 says, “Stand firm against him and be strong in your faith.” We can overcome Satan. We can win the fight over sin. And when we do, according to Genesis 4:6 we will be accepted. By whom? By God the Father.

God promises us that we will never be in a situation where we HAVE to sin. I Corinthians 10:13 says, “...He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure.”

Deuteronomy 30:19-20, “Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life so that you and your descendants might live! You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying Him and committing yourself firmly to Him. This is the key to your life...”

So, resist temptation! Choose God's acceptance! Choose life!

What people think of each other and the affect that has on our lives.

Let the words just flow. That is what I have been told repeatedly by many different authors. Don't try too hard, just write. Don't worry about things. Just let the story flow as it will. You can fix it later. Many times your characters are extensions of yourself; parts of yourself that you don't even know are there or you are not in touch with. Pain that you've suppressed or thoughts that you thought you had discarded but that are still there, buried deep within. Just write. Write what you are thinking about. But what am I thinking about? I don't even know.

Lately it seems like most of my life is just a blur. A thoughtless, going-through-the-motions blur. I get up, go to work, go to sleep, and do it again. That is my life. I love my job, but I hate the hours. I hate working all night and sleeping all day. I hate Abby staying with Mom so much. I love the money I make. I love the customers I carry. I love the friends I have made. I love what I do. I like dealing with people in small intervals (5-15 minutes per run). I love that they open up to me and tell their stories thinking “She's a stranger whom I'll never see again.” Then they take my card and call me again; most of the time forgetting all that they had said the previous time because they were so drunk. I get to see two sides of people—the sober side, the side that they have everyone believing that they are; and the drunk side, the side that is who they really are, the side they so desperately try to hide. So, question... do the “professional drinkers” know how to hide who they really are even when they're drunk? Or do they not care what people think and are just themselves at all times? That is really something to think about. I know me personally, am about the same when I am drunk as when I am not. I speak my mind, drunk or sober, but I do say things more tactfully when I am sober. When I'm drunk, if it crosses my mind, it comes out of my mouth as raw and as rude as it was when I thought it. I don't drink anymore, but I assume that this hasn't changed.

Why do we all care what others think anyway? Why is that such a factor in who we are? Should we not just be ourselves and stop worrying what others think? It would be much easier, I would assume, to just be oneself and not not have that hindrance. Who are other people anyway? But when I think about doing some things I think, “What will so and so think if I do that?” It seems to me that hiding from others causes us to hide from ourselves as well. I think the more we try to be what others want us to be, or what we perceive others want us to be, the more we become that someone and who we really are gets lost in the myriad of deceit.

Who are we hiding from? At what age do we start hiding? Jesus said we need to come to Him as little children. What did he mean by that? Could He have meant that we need to stop worrying about what other people think and give ourselves to Him with complete abandon of concerns about our reputation? Do we need to get back to that point in our lives, in our mindsets, where we don't care what people think? We just come running to Him—no concerns, no weights, no worries. Why is it that even after we do drop everything and run to Him we immediately begin worrying about what people think again? Why do we have such a hard time remaining as little children, basking in the presence of the Lord and ignoring the judgments of men?

Why do we allow them to dictate our lives? Who are “they” anyway? I mean, while I'm worried about what you think about me, you're worrying about what I think about you! It's a two-way street. But really we should only be concerned about what God thinks. He is the only one that we have to be concerned with. Live right according to the Bible, keep your heart in a right relationship with God and all else will fall into place, regardless of what mere mortals think.

A friend of mine once said, “If people knew what I really thought, they would think I am crazy.” To an extent we all think this and that is what we are hiding from, is it not? Many have said that writers are crazy. I don't think we are. I think we are just brave enough to put our thoughts on paper. How many times have you read something and thought, “That is exactly how I feel but I'm afraid that others would think I'm nuts if I ever said it.” Well, obviously you are not alone. The writer had to think it before he/she could write it.

As Christians, there is another level, another person we do have to concern ourselves with. You see, we have to be concerned about our witness. If people knew what we really thought and who we really were, and the things that we really do, would we be a good witness? Or are the things that we're hiding the things that would let non-believers know that we aren't perfect, that we're real? How deep, how intense are your struggles? Why are you trying to hide them? Doesn't the world need to see where we were and where we are now? I'm not perfect yet, and I won't be until I get to heaven, but the world can see the progress I've made. I used to drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex with men I wasn't married to, cussed like a sailor (ok, cab driver). All of those things are in the past, but I still struggle with other things like eating unhealthy foods, watching violent TV shows and movies, etc. Why are we so afraid to let the world know that we still struggle?

The line is being drawn between good and evil and in many ways that line is blurred. Take soft pornography for instance. In the world, a movie with a steamy love scene or a little nudity is really not that big of a deal, but to a Christian it should be. The world thinks we are crazy when we make such a big deal over it and refuse to watch that movie because of “one little sex scene”. Is our disapproval of the movie being a good witness or a bad one? Is that person going to be drawn to Christ if we refuse to watch it or will they think us judgmental? Is that person going to think we're a hypocrite if do watch it?

I wish I knew the answers to all of the questions I've posed in this blog. I don't. These are just my random thoughts on the subject of what people think of each other and the affect that has on our lives.